Dudley Parades His Smeltings Attire

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Dudley returns from a shopping trip with Aunt Petunia to proudly display his new Smeltings uniform, an outlandish outfit complete with maroon tailcoats and knickerbockers, topped off by a boater hat and a knobbly stick. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia gush over Dudley’s appearance, declaring it a proud moment and shedding tears of joy. Meanwhile, Harry struggles to keep a straight face, amused by Dudley’s pompous strutting. The Dursleys’ enthusiasm only fuels Harry’s quiet contempt for their blind adoration of Dudley and his supposed sophistication.

One day in July, Aunt Petunia took Dudley to London to buy his Smeltings uniform, leaving Harry at Mrs. Figg’s. Mrs. Figg wasn’t as bad as usual. It turned out she’d broken her leg tripping over one of her cats, and she didn’t seem quite as fond of them as before. She let Harry watch television and gave him a bit of chocolate cake that tasted as though she’d had it for several years.

That evening, Dudley paraded around the living room for the family in his brand new uniform. Smeltings’ boys wore maroon tailcoats, orange knickerbockers, and flat straw hats called boaters. They also carried knobbly sticks, used for hitting each other while the teachers weren’t looking. This was supposed to be good training for later life.

As he looked at Dudley in his new knickerbockers, Uncle Vernon said gruffly that it was the proudest moment of his life. Aunt Petunia burst into tears and said she couldn’t believe it was her Ickle Dudleykins, he looked so handsome and grown up. Harry didn’t trust himself to speak. He thought two of his ribs might already have cracked from trying not to laugh.